I Have No Idea! :O
by HuskyWashu
Summary: Read the title. It's stupid! It's insane! It has half a plot! And it's rated PG 'cause there's things like cr"p in it. Other than that, um...it's weird.


Well, I've up and scribbled out a fic of sorts, this time with the Smash Bros. Melee crew! And this one's actually. . .finished or something! It's just a one-chapter thing, so don't expect more. -.- Sorry. It's complete nonsense, so as a note, if you think you see a plot forming, disregard it! ^_^ 'Cause it's dumb!  
  
Updated (not much new) 9/18/03: WTF?!??!?! The heck was my computer doing?! This'd better work, 'cause if my fic gets screwed up again, I'm gonna freak out. Seriously, if you had read this before, you are probably more confused than you should be. o.O If it's weird still. . .I'm just gonna leave it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. SSBM belongs to Nintendo and other people, and Kirby stuff belongs to. . .the Kirby people. Ahhh. . .dunno.  
  
**********  
  
Once upon a time, the Smashers were standing around!  
  
Bowser: (standing around) What? (blinks)  
  
And it was raining out.  
  
Weather: (rains)  
  
Bowser: (his hair slowly falls in his face) -.-  
  
Weather: (thunder booms and lightning flashes)  
  
Bowser: ROOAAAARRR!!! (stomps the ground for no reason)  
  
Cut to the twenty-odd other Smashers, who are all standing there looking at him.  
  
Ness: Come on Bowser, is this all about you or what?  
  
Bowser: Yes! (hisses)  
  
Ness: o_O  
  
Captain Falcon: (boots Bowser outta the way) Stop hoggin' the spotlight! (salutes) Show ya moves!  
  
Nana: This is stoopid. -.-  
  
Ganondorf: You know it!  
  
Nana: (clobbers Ganondorf)  
  
Popo: (clobbers Ganondorf)  
  
Mewtwo: {Stupid AND pointless. . .morons.}  
  
Popo & Nana: !!! (they pound Mewtwo into the ground with their mallets)  
  
Mewtwo: {That wasn't meant for you to hear! Agh!}  
  
Bowser: Har har har! Serves you right, you stupid cat! "Ooh, lookit meh I can shoot purple balls of electricity and freeze you with meh eye beams ooh! I'm so speshul!" Bwahahahahahahaaaa - !!!  
  
Samus jumps up and smacks Bowser in the head with her arm gun. He falls over onto his back.  
  
Bowser: @_@  
  
Samus: (steps on his face) Hey, look ev'rybuddeh! I got a line!  
  
Kirby: (waves his arms around) Mee tooo!! ^__^  
  
Then, before everyone else starts up their trademarks lines 'n' stuff, they are transported to. . .umm. . .outside Smash Mansion. . .with a computer!  
  
Young Link: Hey! (points) Look at that computer!  
  
Ness: (looks at the computer) =. ???  
  
Falco: So? It's just a computer. Who cares?  
  
Pichu: Pichu! {It's breaked!}  
  
Ganondorf: No freakin' WAY! Maybe that's why the glass is all cracked?!  
  
Pichu: . . .Pii. . .? {. . .so. . .?}  
  
Peach: Heehee! You just said "pee!"  
  
Mario: o_O  
  
Luigi: That was really stupid!  
  
Peach: Like you?!  
  
Luigi: (points to Bowser, who is about to kick Kirby from behind) Like him.  
  
Bowser: Whuh? (stares at Peach)  
  
Kirby: (turns around) Waaah!! (kicks Bowser in the face, sucks him up, copies his powers and becomes. . .)  
  
Meta Knight: (pops in) Kirby has become Bowser Kirby!! (points at the air like they do in all animes) Bowser Kirby can breath flames for a small amount of time and has neat-o horns and hair!  
  
Bowser Kirby: Who let Meta Knight in here?!  
  
Meta Knight: O_O I go! (swooshes cape around him and teleports or something off)  
  
Bowser Kirby: -_- I hate my life.  
  
Zelda: Kirby, I didn't kno -  
  
Bowser Kirby: (grows ten times his size and roars) THAT'S "BOWSER KIRBY!!!!"  
  
Dr. Mario: . . .Guess he copied Bowser's attitude, too. . .  
  
Zelda: I had no idea that Bowser Kirby, or even regular Kirby, could speak in complete sentences. I wonder if Yoshi will, too?  
  
Bowser: . . .WhaddKirbehdoeh? I'm confused! _.  
  
Roy: o_O {Okie then}  
  
Young Link: (looks back down at the computer) What's this for, anyways?  
  
Ness: Maybe the Authoress was gonna have us do something with it, but got off-track?  
  
Young Link: Sounds like it.  
  
Ness: Yup.  
  
They both sigh.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, inside the Mansion. . .  
  
Ness: AUGH! Stoppit!  
  
***  
  
Bowser: (walking around, looking really annoyed and upset) Stupid other Smashers. Just 'cause I'm big and slow doesn't mean I won't pound the stuffin' outta them!! Oh, hey Crazy Hand.  
  
Crazy Hand: (floating around spastically) ASDGAAGAKSDJFASLKJGBLARGGG! @_@  
  
Bowser: . . .?  
  
Crazy Hand floats off, twitching. A lot.  
  
Bowser: Hmm. Maybe Nana's right. This IS stoopid.  
  
***  
  
OUTSIDE, mostly everyone is crowded around the computer, which is scary 'cause there's twenty-five of them or something. . .  
  
***  
  
Zelda: I think we should fix it.  
  
Link: Nah, I'll bet that it was thrown out for a reason.  
  
DK: Did we throw it out?  
  
Bowser Kirby: That's a good question. . .  
  
Ganondorf: Why don't you just ditch the Bowser power, we're not even fighting.  
  
Bowser Kirby: . . .(growls)  
  
Ganondorf: OMG!! I'm sooooo scared!!! (hides behind Peach) Waaaahh.  
  
Falco: (lazing on the grass with Fox, eyes closed) That was the worst attempt at sarcasm I've ever heard.  
  
Ganondorf: Think you could do better?  
  
Falco: . . .I won't even dignify that with a response.  
  
Fox: (sits up) Wow, did you just say that?  
  
Falco: Blah.  
  
Bowser Kirby: (pounces on Ganondorf) RRAAAAHHRRRR!!  
  
Ganondorf: Uh-oh. Here's trouble! (attempts a Bowser laugh but is stopped magically due to copyright laws)  
  
Bowser Kirby: (jumps off Ganondorf's head and grabs his underwear on the way down) Grr!!  
  
Ganondorf: o.O !!!  
  
Everyone else: o_O  
  
Mr. Game and Watch: Beep!  
  
Bowser Kirby: (lets go of the underwear) =D  
  
SNAP!!!!  
  
Popo: (grabs his head and shakes it back and forth furiously) Lame! LAME LAME LAMELAMELAMELAMELAMEE!!!! That was so STUPID I can't believe the Authoress even put that in! Jeez! Who would stoop that low?!  
  
Samus: See, metal suits come in handy.  
  
Dr. Mario: You know, I never understood how "come in handy" is grammatically correct.  
  
Samus: Is that so?  
  
Dr. Mario: Sure is. When you're a doctor like me, you get a lot of free time to spend thinking about stuff. . .(sighs)  
  
Samus: . . .you must get a lot of free time, then, huh?  
  
Dr. Mario: Yup.  
  
Captain Falcon: (dashes up to Peach) Show ya moves! (salutes)  
  
Peach: (smacks him with a frying pan) Hmph!  
  
Captain Falcon: @.@ Owchie.  
  
Peach: You should be!!  
  
. . .  
  
Mewtwo: {Ditz.}  
  
Peach: (whaps him with a tennis racquet)  
  
Mewtwo: @.@ Owchie.  
  
Peach: You should be!  
  
Ness: (puts a hand to his ear) Is there an echo in here or something?  
  
Kirby: (gets rid of Bowser abilities) *the star twinks* Hii!!  
  
Ganondorf: (runs up and punches Kirby into the air)  
  
Young Link: (stares) ???  
  
Ganondorf: What? He was taunting me!!  
  
Young Link: You're really stupid. (walks off)  
  
Ganondorf: WHAT?!  
  
Jigglypuff: (rolls into Ganondorf's leg) Puff! {Hi!}  
  
Ganondorf: (punts her into Kirby, who has just landed head-first)  
  
Jigglypuff: (connects with Kirby and the two fly off) JIGGLY!!! {WAAAHH!}  
  
Kirby: KAAAABBIII! {???}  
  
Ganondorf: Haha!  
  
Fox: (walks up and kicks him in the shin) Shaddap.  
  
Ganondorf: (hopping on one leg, clutching his other) Yessir.  
  
Over a couple yards, Jigglypuff lands on Kirby, who in turn lands on Mr. Game & Watch, who was trying to fix the computer. He wasn't having much luck.  
  
Mr. Game & Watch: (CRASH!!) BEEP!  
  
Ness: Hmm. . .I wonder what you call something that's flat in all directions?  
  
Mewtwo: {Who cares?}  
  
Ness: . . .Obviously not you.  
  
Mewtwo: {Wow. You really ARE psychic.}  
  
Ness: PK FIRE!! (fries Mewtwo)  
  
***  
  
Back inside the Mansion. . .  
  
***  
  
Bowser is still wandering around, looking for something to do other than hang out with the other Smashers.  
  
Bowser: I hate boredom. But if there's one thing I hate other than boredom, it's talking to myself.  
  
As Bowser turns a corner, he runs into Master Hand.  
  
Bowser: Oh, hey, Master Hand.  
  
Master Hand: (looks around paranoidly, if he is capable of something like that) Don't go down the hall!!  
  
Bowser: What?  
  
Master Hand: Uh, nothing! Nothing!  
  
Bowser: What's your problem?  
  
Master Hand: . . .(takes a deep breath, I guess) Don't you have something to do??  
  
Bowser: No.  
  
Master Hand: Fine! Whatever! (floats off quickly, down the corridor Bowser came from)  
  
Bowser: Well, that was weird.  
  
He continues until he comes upon the restrooms. He sniffs the air.  
  
Bowser: Wh00! What in the name of Plit is that?  
  
He pushes open the door to the Men's room and snoops around.  
  
Bowser: (muttering) Smells like it's coming a stall. . .  
  
He heads over to them, which vary in size and shape.  
  
Bowser: (goes by a regular-lookin' stall) Nope. . .(walks past a wide stall with plenty of room) Wouldn't be surprised. . .(passes up an extremely skinny stall) Uh-uh. . .(keeps sauntering past a somewhat small stall with a round toilet) Psh, no. . .(passes by an incredibly large cubicle with what appear to have triangular-shaped holes cut from the sides) o_O Definitely not!  
  
Finally, after walking down the row of. . .stalls. . .he comes upon the final one, which is very, very large.  
  
Bowser: (pushes open the swinging door) O_O;;;;  
  
***  
  
Mansion grounds. . .  
  
***  
  
The Smashers hear an incredibly loud sound that sounds like half scream, half roar.  
  
Popo: o.O What was that?  
  
Roy: {Sounded like what would happen if someone got into Vash's donut supply. . .}  
  
Marth: (chuckles)  
  
Everyone else: ???  
  
Peach: Wha? (scratches head) I don't get it?  
  
Sheik: It's from a show.  
  
Luigi: Sheik? Where'd-a you come-a from?  
  
Sheik: Zelda.  
  
Luigi: -.- (sigh)  
  
DK: Whatever!  
  
Young Link: I think we should go check whatever that was out!  
  
Nana: Yeah!  
  
Popo: Good idea!  
  
Yoshi: Yoshi!  
  
Pikachu: Pika pi chu? {What'd you say your name for?}  
  
Pichu: Pi? {Meh?}  
  
Yoshi: (shrugs) Yoshi no know.  
  
Ganondorf: Well, I, for one, think you're stu -  
  
Suddenly, Master Hand flies out of the Mansion, lookin' panicked, but we can't tell.  
  
Mario: Master Hand-a!  
  
Master Hand: (stops abruptly) What? WHADIDO?!?  
  
Link: o_O  
  
Sheik: What are you spazzing about?  
  
Kirby: Yeah! (pushing Jigglypuff off him) Isn't that Crazy Hand's department?  
  
DK: Did Bowser do something?  
  
Master Hand: Umm. . .(noticing all the Smashers staring at him intently) Yes! It was all Bowser! Gotta be going, now. . .(flies away)  
  
Mewtwo: {Darn. Too fast.}  
  
Pichu: Pichu pi? {For what?}  
  
Ness: Couldn't read his mi -  
  
Young Link: Let's go! (dashes up the steps)  
  
The others share a quick glance, then follow the kid into the Mansion.  
  
***  
  
Mansion interior. . .  
  
***  
  
The group of, um. . .twenty-six or so Smashers run down the twisting hallways. Some of the slower characters, like DK, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, have trouble catching up.  
  
Ganondorf: Hey! *puff* Wait up! *pant* Who do you think you are, *puff* Speedy Gonzales?!  
  
DK: Some of us aren't built for speed, ya know!  
  
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! Puff! {My feet hurt! WaH!}  
  
Capt. Falcon: (over his shoulder) Aw, quit your whining! Even us fast people are having a tough time keeping up with that kid!  
  
Link: I dunno if it's the milk or those thirty Hershey bars that he ate that are giving him his speed.  
  
Sheik: It's probably adrenaline.  
  
Peach: But, *pant* is he ALWAYS like this?  
  
Sheik: No.  
  
Peach: =. Okie.  
  
Mario: Somebody slow that-a kid down-a!  
  
Mewtwo: {Not a problem.}  
  
Mewtwo teleports up to where Young Link is. Unfortunately, he's standing before the Men's room.  
  
Mewtwo: o.o  
  
They wait for the others to catch up. Then. . .  
  
Popo: Should we go in?  
  
Nana: Eww, it's stinky!  
  
Kirby: I dun have a nose! ^_^  
  
Ganondorf: Then you're just the thing to do it.  
  
Dr. Mario: Ganondorf, that's really unnecessary.  
  
Mario: Right. We're ALL going in.  
  
Peach: But I don't want to get my -  
  
Falco: Just shut up and let's go! Jeebus!  
  
So they go inside. Even the girls.  
  
Samus: o.O Sheesh! Doesn't anyone ever clean?!  
  
Ness: Afraid not. -_-  
  
Nana: .._?+A!!!! ############$$$$$$$$$$5! =O  
  
Kirby: o_O  
  
Ness: ??? He's too hard to read!  
  
Jigglypuff: Jiggly Jigglypuff! {He's weird!}  
  
Young Link: I'm confused!! ;.;  
  
Crazy Hand points at the toilet with his index finger, and the thing blows up!! But not like that. There is an explosion, but the can is nowhere to be found!!  
  
Mewtwo: o.O {Not even I know where it went!}  
  
Capt. Falcon: Just be glad it's not "raining" on us.  
  
Master Hand: . . .he sent it. . .somewhere. Probably into a dimension where no one will find it.  
  
***  
  
In the Dimension of Pure Dookie. . .  
  
*SPLAAAT!*  
  
***  
  
Then, another toilet appears! In the same place! Thankfully, it's empty.  
  
***  
  
Crazy Hand: KBAWEIAKLBG._  
  
Crazy Hand: !!! Git outta heah!  
  
Kirby: Ack! He's talking with that lame Dedede accent!  
  
Peach: Huh?  
  
Kirby: Never mind.  
  
Crazy Hand: (cow moos) MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEE IIIIIIIIITT!!  
  
The Smashers and Master Hand rush outta there!  
  
Young Link: Well, that was really stupid. (drinks some milk)  
  
DK: You're telling me!  
  
Dr. Mario: I'm still curious as to -  
  
Mr. Game and Watch: BEEEEEEEEP!!!!  
  
Popo: Thank you. -_-  
  
Dr. Mario: All I was going to say was -  
  
Mr. Game and Watch: BEEEP!  
  
Dr. Mario: Bu -  
  
Mr. Game and Watch: BEEEIP!  
  
Dr. Mario: ;.;  
  
***  
  
Later that day. . .or night, whichever. . .  
  
***  
  
Bowser: Man am I glad that's over.  
  
Fox: Yeah. Talk about a waste of time.  
  
Capt. Falcon: What ever happened to that computer, anyways?  
  
Roy: {Marth and I blew it up.}  
  
Mewtwo: {Blew it up?}  
  
Luigi: BLEW IT UP?!  
  
Everyone stares at him.  
  
Luigi: Sorry. (sinks down in his seat)  
  
Marth: {It was broken. Why leave it lying around?}  
  
Zelda: (who had transformed back) Our little Good Samaritans! ^_^  
  
Link: (grumble)  
  
Young Link: I wonder what it was meant for, though?  
  
Suddenly, Bowser sits up!  
  
Bowser: Gotta go to the little Koopa's room! (dashes off as fast as he can)  
  
Ganondorf: Jeez. Spare me.  
  
***  
  
At the Bathroom. . .  
  
***  
  
Bowser: I gotta lay off the iced tea!! (goes to the bathroom, then smells a strange odor)  
  
. . .  
  
Crazy Hand: (floats out of the stall) o_o  
  
Bowser: DEAR LORD!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!! (fast, dramatic pan out)  
  
***  
  
IN the other room. . .  
  
***  
  
Everyone looks startled.  
  
Mario: Here-a we go again-a. . .  
  
**********  
  
Wow! That was really, REALLY stupid! Especially the middle part! Man, with half a plot, it just goes poof. Agh. Oh well. Reviews are nice, but. . .whatever. It probably could've been a LOT funnier, but. . .no dice. XP 


End file.
